It's all over the news, post after post on Facebook, in the newspapers...the shootings that took place yesterday in Newtown, Connecticut have left this country in complete heartbreak. It's more than a tragedy, what took place at Sandy Hook Elementary School. That's a common feeling around the country this morning, while some have cried many tears, others have expressed anger towards the shooter. I don't wish to name the shooter specifically, and for my own reasons, some of which I will touch on during this blog. However, it's safe to say that what happened yesterday was another example of how our society has and will continue to head in such a dark direction, if things don't change. It's heavy on my heart, and yes, I am terribly sad for the children and other adult victims of this horrific event, but I am even in more pain for the rest of us who have been surviving through these heart wrenching events, and sadly...I feel there are still more to come.
I have so many ideas that have been flying through my head since I found out the news yesterday. I only tuned in to the news for a brief moment, to confirm what I have previously heard. And my heart sank, as I saw the scene outside of Sandy Hook. Why? What is it that can cause any one such a deep desire to cause harm to another human being? No matter how much spiritual studying I do, and how deep of an understanding that I may or may not have of the term "harm" I am still human. My heart still breaks, I still cry, I still hurt for those who are suffering. Yesterday was no different.
One of my issues, when events such as this take place, starts with the media. They have the ability to turn a horrific event into a Hollywood night out. And as much as I have been guilty of this in the past, we all sit in front of the television and soak up every ounce of it. Memorizing the people's faces, histories, and passing judgments on those who are the cause. In this case, the shooter, only 20 years old, took his own life. In my opinion, I am not happy that one more life was lost, whether it be an innocent child or the shooter himself, but I am relieved that our country will not have to sit through the televised court proceedings of his "punishment." That is not the answer to stopping this from happening again. But all you will see on TV is "what could have caused this man to do this?" "John Doe caused tragedy in Blanktown, US." Etc, etc. We make these people who commit awful crimes famous! It has to stop! Tuning in to watch the same words repeated, over and over, has to stop! Passing judgment on these broken people has to stop!
I have seen so many posts and heard so many comments about this person, and the hate and anger that is coming out saddens me just as much as the event itself. Do I agree with what he did? Absolutely not! Do I feel sorry for him? Negative. But I do know, deep down in my heart, that someone does not commit an act such as this if they are in a good place in their life.. This 20 year old man was in pain himself, and without an outlet this is the direction that pain can take any one of us. When I sat in prison for those months, I came into direct contact with women who have committed murder. Did I pass judgement? Of course I did...at first. But the more I sat in there and thought about it, what right do I have to do that? Have I not had a murderous thought before? Have I not acted violently against a fellow human being? Have I not been a part of a potentially life threatening situation? Yes to ALL of the above. Now, that's just me. But I challenge all of you to think about similar things. We have all been in those places of hurt and fear. Most will not act on them, but you and I all know that it can happen in a split second where an act is done without a second thought. "But this is the slaughtering of innocent people? How can you compare a murderous thought to murder of multiple people?" I am not saying that what this man did was right or justified in any way, what I am saying is that I have ZERO right to judge. I have never walked in his shoes, I have never seen the pain through his eyes. I don't know. But what I do know is that I have hurt, I have been in pain, I have been so selfish that it sickens me, I have had awful thoughts, and that doesn't make me any better or worse. We are all in this together, and the sooner our society realizes that, and stops separating us from one another, the sooner we can begin to heal as a whole.
All I know is that had I not had people to turn to, places to go and a power greater than myself to trust, I could have sunk lower and lower into that dark pit that was growing inside of me. But because I had hands that were reached out to me, and love of family, friends and God, I was able to crawl my way out. I can't say the same for every other soul on this plane. There are a lot of wounded souls out there, and instead of reaching a hand to those who need it, we are judging, pointing fingers, starting wars between countries, states, cities, neighborhoods, and most importantly...within ourselves. When I talk about Love being everything, and only Love matters..this is why. The only thing that is going to be able to heal our wounded souls is Love. We must not be afraid to extend that Love to one in need. And this doesn't just mean a homeless man on the side of the road, or a elderly woman needing assistance, or a stray puppy on the street...this means the darkest and most troubled souls. Those in our prisons, those in mental hospitals, those who have so much fear and hate in their eyes, they need the most Love. I've seen it, and the most beautiful thing is, I have seen that fear and hate disolve, and the Love emerge from their heart. It's a miraculous thing, and each person is capable of finding the Love within them, they just need a little hope sometimes.
So as we mourn for those in the shooting in Newtown, I ask you to take a deeper look. I ask you to find those places where you have had unkind thoughts, acted unkindly to another, and forgive yourself. I ask you to make an effort to view things a little differently. I ask you to pray for those how are suffering, including yourself. I ask you to find a place to share the Love within your own heart, and never be afraid to extend it to another. We are all in this together, the sooner we start to remember that and live by it, the sooner we will begin to heal the darkness and allow the light within us all to shine. Don't be afraid to shine. Don't be afraid to Love. And most importantly, do not be afraid to let Love in.
-Drea S.
I have been sitting and reflecting on the idea of forgiveness during the past few weeks. A spiritual study group, that I am an active and committed member of, has been on this topic recently, and boy has it brought up some shouting within all of us. What I used to think of forgiveness, is not at all what it is to me today. In fact, it still grows for me today. I see how it evolves within my life, and how I have to adapt, and remain completely willing and opened to receive it's gifts. As a child, I was taught to say sorry if I did something wrong to another. I was also taught to accept an apology from someone who wronged me. Therefore, I carried those beliefs with me until a couple of years ago. In my past I would stew in anger, for who knows how long, because someone would not admit they had wronged me. Today, I don't have to wait for that to have some peace in my life.
Today, I see forgiveness in a whole new light. Today, I can take a situation that brings up some resistance, anger or frustration with another and look at my part. I ALWAYS have a part. What I have come to learn is that it is not the action of another that is causing my discomfort. It's not that at all. What it is, is my perception that what another has done is wrong. In truth, it is impossible for anyone outside of myself to wrong me. I create my experiences, and although it's very difficult to wrap my head around this concept at times, it's so very true.
What I have been experiencing in my spiritual study group is that the conflicts that are arising from each member bring up sensitive core values for me. Things that have been so deep rooted since I was a small child, are coming up still. One person can say something that takes my memory back to a place of fear, and in the past I would jump at the opportunity to correct that person and make them see that they are in the wrong. What I have noticed is that I have gone from that person who will take action, whether it be physical or verbal, and I have been keeping my mouth shut and just observing. This has been a very difficult thing for me to start doing, because my instinct is to do one of two things: fight or run. Ever since I have made the commitment to observe, not only others around me, but myself, doors have been opening that have revealed some of the most beautiful gifts.
I have learned the beauty of letting go of my attachment to people, places or things. Who would have thought that detachment could be a gift? I didn't! But let me tell you, not having to take on stuff that no longer serves me is one of the GREATEST gifts that I have ever received. I used to think that if I detached from things, it meant that I no longer cared about anyone or anything. But that's not true at all. In fact, it means I can actually care more. How? Well, take a fight between yourself and a close friend or family member...you are in disagreement for whatever reason. Something makes you tick, and you get angry and upset. Instead of stewing in what is angering YOU, and how the other person has wronged YOU, you can get to a place of compassion, and understanding. The chances are, if something is upsetting you, it is because you relate to this person more that you are willing to admit in the heat of the moment. But if you take the opportunity, you can use that to relate to the other person in such an intimate way, and open up a space for both of you to heal places that need correction. It's a very loving place to be in, and freeing. To be able to admit that you love yourself and another more than the need to be right, I can't think of a more beautiful and caring place to be.
There is a saying, "I can forgive, but I can not forget." I can see truth to that in many instances. What I think of this now is that I can detach from the negativity of the occurrance, and let it go. The event still happened, the situation still took place, but I do not have to hold on to the negativity of it anymore. I can free myself of the burden of hurt and pain it brought me. I can dig deep and find out exactly what it is that is causing me so much pain, fear or what have you. I can acknowledge it, and use it to help me grow. Let me tell you...that is not always easy. Trust me, I have had some really awful things happen in my life, that applying this really took some time. But in the end, it really is the only option for me. I don't want to be a victim in this world. I want to accept 100% responsibility for my life, and part of that requires that I let go of junk that no longer has a purpose for my greater good and well being.
After reflecting on this concept of forgiveness, something rings in my mind. Someone very dear to me always says, "Forgiveness is FOR GIVING." And what that means to me today is that by forgiving myself of my perceptions of people, places and things, I am opening up a place to give a piece of myself to another, a piece that they may need to do the same for themselves. After all, there is no greater good that can be done that to reach out and offer a hand to another. And by forgiving myself, and not expecting an apology from anyone else, I am opening up my heart to be someone who can give freely and without expectation. That is what brings me ultimate happiness, and nothing, I have found, is more fulfilling.
-Drea S.
