What Happens When You Stop Fighting?

 

I never thought I would be someone who found joy in not fighting back. I'm not talking physically, although many times in my past I was one to turn that direction very quickly. I am talking about the relationships in my life, with work, with disagreements, with taking advice...the list is endless. I am the type of person who has to be in control, has to be right and has to have the last word by nature. I learned from a young age how to take care of myself, and was very independent early on. As I got older, this self reliance turned into a internal struggle with my ego to be a "strong independent woman," someone who didn't have to depend on anyone or anything. I had to know the answers to everything, I had to find a way to survive, not just by providing for myself, but I had to create an environment where I fed this ego of mine constantly. It was exhausting!

It has been a struggle to learn how to surrender and accept that my way isn't always right. It is something that I have to do on a daily basis, and it's hard sometimes. Admitting that Life is far more intelligent that I am is so drastically different than the belief that I am all powerful as I used to think. Luckily, I understand that if I am resisting something, there is usually something there that I need to work on. I am open to that today.

There is so much more freedom in not knowing the answers all the time. I am free to ask the opinion of others, and not get defensive with their response. I am free to say "I don't know," and not appear weak. I am free to step in someone else's shoes and walk a few miles, and be free of judgment. There are so many gifts that come from admitting that I don't know everything. And after all, what is it that we all really know anyway? The only times I feel really good, the only times that I feel completely at peace are the times when I let go of everything that I have come to know as "real" and live through my heart. And when I am being guided by my heart, there is rarely any thinking involved. I'm being guided by God, by something greater than myself. In this place, everything is perfect, all is exactly as it should be, and I am filled with gratitude.

I talk of this place, when I am being guided by my heart, often. And it's very special to me, because for the longest time I really believed that I had to think my way through life. I don't know about you, but for me, when I am thinking my way through all of my problems, and trying to wrap my mind around why people act the way they do, why certain things have to happen, etc., I get stuck. I honestly don't know how to move forward, and I get anxiety with the energy that is blocked. Since I have been learning to live and be guided by my heart, those blockages have opened up and I don't get stuck in the past or worrying about the future. I can run freely with the flow of life. For me, there is nothing sweeter than feeling so connected with nature, with those around me, with God, and seeing the miracles that happen in each moment. And for that, I am forever grateful. And in this moment, I am warmed by the simple thought that many, if not all, of you may understand exactly what this place feels like, and we can enjoy it together.

-Drea S.