The entire reason for me to start this blog, was not to just post rants about my life. The main purpose of this blog was to share the Love that comes from my heart when it is fully open. This film talked about exactly that. It talked about using this powerful source to connect to ourselves, the real "Self" that we have been disconnected with for so long. This longing we all have to receive and give love is really all we want to be fulfilled. Nothing else matters. This stuff, this illusory world that we live in has started to suck us dry as a whole. But it doesn't have to be that way.
What I have learned in my spiritual growth, and journey through my own heart, is that when I connect to myself, when I am authentic, I attract things to myself that I never knew I wanted or needed. People come into my life that I learn from, events occur that open my eyes a little wider, and most importantly feelings are felt that I always thought I had to conceal. The joy of it is, I don't have to conceal those feelings. When I allow myself to be guided by my heart, and allow myself to feel the things that come into my awareness, I am opened to immense beauty and opportunity.
Over 8 months ago I began a process that ended in a life changing experience. I spent 4 months in prison to pay my dues for a 3rd offense DUI. Now here I am, a young woman who is educated, has always held a good job, cares about people, and is not a bad person, going to prison. That alone can do some serious damage to ones ego, and rest assured it did some to mine. But what I experienced along the journey is that I no longer had to play the victim to society and the "unfairness" that life had tossed my way. No, I was able to embrace this opportunity as just that. An opportunity. I began to open my heart while I was "away" and to my surprise, I got to know myself more in those short 4 months that I had the previous 26 years of my life.
When you are forced to sit alone in confinement, and you don't have an iPhone or a laptop to distract yourself, you don't really have a choice but to spend time with yourself. Let me tell you, the first part of that journey was so hard. I was in a state of pity for myself, I cried every day, and being the victim was the only option I felt I had. Even after over a year of "preparation" for the experience, I still couldn't come to peace with it once I slipped that orange jumpsuit on.
Ever so slowly, I started to observe my environment. I began to not only see, but feel the people around me, feel the vibration of my surroundings, and most importantly I began to feel the pain and joy and ups and downs of my own life. I began to write letters to those back home that were constantly supporting me, I was able to open up to the women I interacted with everyday in prison, I was able to sit alone with myself and not cry (at least not sad tears of pity). I began to open up completely, I was able to really understand that this opportunity was a wake up call. Not only to change the way I was choosing to live, but a wake up call to stop trying to have all the answers, to become childlike again, and devour my life as if it was the most delicious and decadent dessert I've ever tasted. I was missing out on all of the miracles that were happening on a continuous basis, because I was choosing to ignore the most powerful source of Life...my heart.
It seems too easy, and this film I saw tonight pointed this out as well. But the truth is, it really is this simple. But it does hurt along the way to acknowledge the pains of our pasts, and rid of the shame that we hold on our backs like a ton of bricks. But once you make the decision to stop playing the victim and limiting yourself, it really can come this easy. And the truth is, once you have a glimpse of living through the connection of the heart, rather than just the mind, you don't want to revert back to the old habits. And even if you do, it's not as sweet as it once was, because you know, deep within yourself, that there is a better way to live, a place of peace and joy and beauty. And that my friends, is the place that I was to share with you all. The place of true, pure Love.
-Drea S.
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