Vegas: Now.

 

 

After at least 5 years, I have finally returned to Las Vegas. Sober. I was a little nervous to have the old feelings arise that I experienced here in my previous visits. To my surprise, I haven't had that happen. I have come with my father, my uncle and my wonderful other half, and I haven't even had the chance to sit and think about the "good ol' times" since I've been here. I have been creating new memories, and enjoying the company of people that I love very much. Last night we went to a show, and tonight we will be going to the Hard Rock Hotel to see Guns 'n Roses perform. I love my rock shows! I am very excited, and I will tell you what, It's truly a different experience to do Vegas, not only without a drink or two, but without a hang over! What a change.

I guess the biggest realization about this trip, is the same that I had about one of my favorite places ever...Taos, NM. In both places, I created memories of partying and debauchery. However, since I have decided to turn my life and head a different direction, it really is possible to make new memories and rid of the old attachments. Shouldn't it be like that for just about anything? Think of all of the items, people and places that we attach things to. A dear friend of mine was talking about her home town being a place of defeat and tragedy, and how nothing good ever came from her being there. Recently some wonderful things have happened to her, and now she is finalizing an adoption and having the celebration there. If that is not turning it around for the better, I don't know what is. So why is it so hard to let go of the memories that bring us so much pain? And just as important, why do we hang on the the "good ol' times" and live in the past with things that brought us joy "back then?"

I have learned over the past couple of years that I really have to stop living in the past. I have to stay present in order to have any sort of peace in my life. I can't dwell on events of the past, I can't rely on memories gone to bring me happiness. I must look down at my feet and find acceptance in what is in the current moment. Whether it's being in Las Vegas with my family and boyfriend, or at home working. I can't expect anything other than what is right now to fill me up. If I can't let go of things that "were" how can I expect to even notice that life can get even better? All of the work I have put in to improve myself will be for nothing if I can't stop and take a moment in gratitude. And today that is where I am. I am in total gratitude that I am in a place where I once made a fool of myself, and went home with doggy bag in hand. Today I woke up and enjoyed my morning, took a walk for breakfast, enjoyed the cool fall breeze. Today the Drea that is here in Vegas is not the Drea that was here 5 years ago. Today is only today, and I am only who I am in this moment. Nothing else matters. I am free to choose how I will experience this day, this moment. And for that I am grateful.