As I grow each and every day, hour, minute...moment, I understand more and more the need for honesty in my life. Not because I want to be acknowledged as a saint, or that I have no care in the world of people's feelings, but because the only real freedom I have ever experienced came from being honest.
I did not understand how freedom and honesty went hand in hand until I sobered up, and even then it took a lot of work for me to even grasp the concept. Yes I had heard that "the truth shall set you free," and to be honest, I thought of that phrase almost as a self-righteous concept, a form of arrogance. "If I own up to my dirt, and put it out there, then people can't hurt me with it down the road. I can do whatever I want, own it, and no one can call me out on it. That will show them!!" Those were the perverse thoughts that went through my head after being dishonest or deceitful to someone. Never did it occur to me to do the right thing, just because, and have no mess to clean up later.
Honesty isn't doing whatever we want and then blurting it out to whomever, no matter what the cost. Honesty starts within ourselves. Self Honesty is a whole new concept that has completely transformed my life. It means making a choice to act or speak in a way that is either Loving or fearful. It means pausing before responding. It means being authentic, and sincere (say what you mean and mean what you say). Deep down we all know whether the choice we are making at any specific moment will cause harm to ourselves or others. Deep down we know that it's not worth a brief moment in time of pleasure or indulgence, if we are going to have to hurt someone we care about. When we are honest to ourselves, we realize that Life is about keeping our side of the street clean, no matter what.
Now, if you have ever chosen to be honest in a situation that is very difficult, you know that this can be a very scary thing to do. For examply, staying in a relationship that is no longer healthy for both parties. Sometimes it's easier to sit in a situation that brings us pain, rather than to be honest about it and make a change. Why do we fear the unknown so much? Most of us would rather suffer than to change! Let me tell you, I have been in some very uncomfortable situations, where I have had the opportunity to make a choice to stay, in the comfort of the known, or to make a change into the unknown. Although terrifying at the moment, choosing to make a change has brought beautiful growth in all of those situations. All because I chose to be honest, I chose to be honest to myself!
Honesty no longer means doing whatever I want, and getting away with it. Honesty now means that I respect myself enough to honor my truth; and to acknowledge that truth and allow myself to step out of the illusions that my mind creates. It means walking away sometimes, it means saying I'm sorry when I'm wrong, it means speaking up when I'm allowing myself to get walked on, it means doing the right thing when no one is looking. Honesty today means that I do the right thing becuase I want to, not just beacuse I don't want to get caught. That is where the freedom comes to play. If I am honest with myself, and take action where needed, I can live my life with my head up high. I no longer have to be bound my chains of guilt and shame. True freedom comes from the serenity in my heart, no matter where I am.
-Drea S.
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