Where to start?

Where to start? Where do any of us ever start? I can tell you where I started. I can tell you where I started to finally think of "something has to change," instead of "how can I get out of this."

 

It happened on July 4th, 2010 at some odd hour in the middle of the morning. I looked down to finish a text message, while driving, and saw my future flash before my eyes. My future was in the form of a classic pick up truck. I can do nothing but thank something greater than myself for the outcome of this situation. I slammed on the breaks, of a vehicle that was not mine, and came to a screeching halt! I prayed that I would stop before making contact with the pick up, but my prayer was not answered. At least, I didn't think it was. I hit the truck, and reality sank in IMMEDIATELY! I knew my situation, I knew I had two strikes, and this would easily become my third. I was drunk. Very drunk. This was going to be very, very bad.

 

The man I hit, slowly got out of his vehicle and approached me. He asked me to pull off the main road and turn onto the cross street. I agreed, and fully intended to follow my word. But when the light at that intersection turned green, my instict to run kicked in and I was off. I slammed my foot on the gas pedal, and was off. Not 5 seconds later did my conscience kick in and I heard my own voice say, "what are you doing????!!" I had a brief moment of panic, before my rational higher self kicked in and I pulled into the next driveway I saw. I drove to the end of the empty parking lot, and slammed the car into park. I cried, I screamed, and I cried some more. "How? Why?....Why?" The only questions in my mind.

 

The rest of the story is just details. Bottom line is, I was arrested for my 3rd DUI, and taken to jail. I called the one person I felt safe calling to pick me up. My best friend. The best friend I had tossed to the side years before when I decided to put the drink in front of everything important in my life. I knew she would come, and she did. That night was dark. It was lonely, and it was the end. So I thought. My best friend got me home, and reluctantly left me there alone. She was afraid I was going to do something stupid. To be honest, I wasn't so sure I wouldn't. But more than the guilt, shame and deep sadness, I...was...tired. I wanted nothing but sleep. So she left me, tucked me in, and I slept.

 

When I woke up the next morning I cried. Instantly I cried. I was so broken, and alone, and nothing could make me get out of that bed. I am not sure when exactly it happened, or how...but miraculously a feeling came over me that was so powerful I couldn't ignore it. I finally told myself..."STOP!" Enough was enough. I didn't want to live life this way anymore. I wanted more. I wanted peace. I wanted....change. The rest is history. It was there on that bed that I made a choice, a choice not to give up and give in to my demons, but to choose LIFE.

 

Did everything change in that day? HELL NO! But that one choice lead me through one hell of a journey. One that gets better each and every day. And that...is where I started. Started to live.

 

-Drea S.